15 Ways You Know Mom is A Pediatrician

1.      “Hey, did you know there is an Influenza A and B.  Influenza A makes you really sick. ”  - My  4 year old daughter to the nanny

2.       “Mom, maybe it could be a virus that acts like Mono, but is not actually Mono?”  - My 7 year old son, listening in on my phone conversation about lab results. 

3.       “It is just my eczema.”  - My daughter at 3 when her preschool teacher asked about a rash. They did call and verify her diagnosis.

4.       “Can I bring Pedialyte for snack day?”  - 5 year old son to his kindergarten teacher.  (I am strangely proud.)

5.      “Mom I am not pooping.  (Sigh) I have “firework” diarrhea.” – 3 year old in the middle of the night.

6.      Conversation about rabies the other evening:

“If you get bit by a dog, then you will get rabies.”  - 4 year old daughter

“You mostly get rabies from bats.” – 7 year old son

“Dogs get shots to protect them from rabies.” – 5 year old son

“OK, phew.”  - 4 year old daughter very relieved

“Umm, how about we try to avoid getting bit by dogs?”–Mom preferring prevention strategy  

7.       “Fruit snacks cause cavities,” – my 5 year old on a playdate.  “But it says they are made will real fruit,” said the mom.  “Nope those packages lie,” he said. 

8.      “I hit my head.  I think I might have brain damage.”   I asked, “What’s your name?”  They knew it.  “You’re just fine” I said. 

9.      “Mom, your baby came out of your ‘pagina; my little brother is going to come out of my penis.” –2 year old who thought he was going to give birth to his baby brother? 

10. “I need orange juice because I am eating meat.  It helps with ‘sorption of iron.” Vitamin C increases absorption of iron, useful information for every young toddler.

11. “It is good to have an erection; it means you will not get cancer.”  - one child to another

12. “Mom, I sick.  (Fake cough, fake cough.)  I need some Dimetapp.”  - My 2 year old son faking his illness because he loves purple medicine.

13. Mom, I am having a bad throat day.  It hurts.  I need an X-ray to know what is going on.” – 4 year old daughter.

14. “You don’t need a Band-Aid.  Platelets do that job.” – one brother to another

15. School refusal is a common problem I see in my office.  I asked my oldest what advice he had if a child refused to go to school?  He said, “What?” (incredulous) “You throw them in the car, strap them in, drive to school, dump them out in front, drag them into the building, and leave them there.”  Awesome!