As
a pediatrician, I work to keep children healthy so they can grow up and achieve
their dreams. Occasionally, my naïve
optimism has gotten the better of me. I especially
have a soft spot for angry, defiant children.
These children are given my undivided attention and respect and I expect
the same in return. I never call them names, insult them, or label them. On the contrary, I have high expectations and
am always encouraging them to be their best selves. I often hug them tight as their anger gives
way to tears, reassuring them as much as possible.
A
decade ago, I took care of a blended family with three children by three different
fathers. The oldest boy, Bobby, was an
“angry” seven year old with wide eyes and an endearing, crooked smile. His mother was exasperated and demanded
tranquilizers be prescribed to him or she would switch physicians. I asked Bobby what was going on. He talked about conflicts with his mothers’
new boyfriend and how he resented this man calling him lazy and stupid. He had
tears in his eyes, which broke my heart.
I
talked to him about ways to deal with his anger and recommended a nearby family
counselor. I hugged him, acknowledged
his frustration, and told him he was neither lazy nor stupid. I reminded him to never give up on himself and
no matter what happened, I would always believe in him. Needless to say, his mom changed physicians
and I did not see Bobby again.
When
children enter the Juvenile Detention system, they lose Medicaid insurance
coverage. As a result, I was the consulting
physician at our local juvenile facility.
I cared for children who were addicts, thieves, vandals, and committed a
variety of other crimes. I reviewed
their health history, updated immunizations, and prescribed medications when
necessary. It was difficult to reconcile
my job as a physician looking into their eyes and seeing their fear, yet
knowing I could do nothing to alleviate the obstacles they faced.
My
toughest day was the one when I unexpectedly ran into Bobby. I had been consulting over the phone with the
RN at Juvenile Hall on a teenager who sustained injuries during arrest by coordinating
care with a local specialist. Over the
five day time period, I never asked his name.
Each
week, I drove to Juvenile Hall to sign orders and examine children when
necessary. That day, I came upon Bobbys’
chart. “This is my injured boy? I know
him.” I declared. She smiled and
replied, “He said you were his doctor when he was little, and he is excited to
see you.”
As
the guard left to get Bobby, I told him, “Be prepared. I am going to hug this next one like he is my
own son. I do not care what he
did.” The guard gave me a funny look as
he sauntered away. I had thought of
Bobby so often over the years, yet had the sinking feeling things had been far
from rosy. As Bobby walked through the metal
double doors, I was struck by how much he had changed in both size and stature (now
well over 6 feet tall.) We hugged as if
no time had passed, “Bobby, you are so much more grown up than I remember.” He smiled with that same crooked grin I found
so endearing a decade before. “You are
so much tinier than I remember,” he replied looking down at me.
Over
the last decade, his mother and her children moved multiple times, had done their
fair share of couch surfing, and Bobby had been suspended for misbehavior and
truancy. A few months before his arrest,
his mother kicked him out, he moved back to the area, was stealing, using drugs,
and suspected his 17 year old girlfriend was newly pregnant.
Crestfallen,
I almost started crying, then and there.
My dreams for this young boy from ten years ago were shattered into tiny
little pieces. In my mind, at the tender
age of seven, he had been a ball of clay ready to be molded into something
beautiful. Instead, all hope had been
extinguished from the young man who stood before me now. There was no sparkle in his eye; the devilish
grin was all that remained of that innocent child I once knew.
Honest
to a fault, we talked about lost opportunities and lasting consequences of his poor
decisions. I encouraged him to dream of a
future outside of prison walls. I
reminded him of how kind, warm, and genuine he was with a great deal to offer
the world.
Unprepared
for my own feelings of sadness and disappointment, this experience hit me unexpectedly
like a ton of bricks. I have yet to
recover the abiding faith that all children can achieve their dreams. It has been an extremely tough lesson to accept;
yet it reaffirmed my commitment to continue encouraging, loving, and supporting
each and every child who walks through my doors and into my heart.
While
I do not know where Bobby is today, I hope our brief encounter had as profound
an impact on him and he did on me. Kiddo,
I think of you every day and hope you are safe, know you are loved, and remember
you have much to offer the world.